Jokes-n-Quotes

Jokes-n-Quotes

"Limericks - Fun with Politics" -- by David Swink

"Those who vote decide nothing. Those who count the vote decide everything."
-- Joseph Stalin (et tu AZ, GA, MI, NV, PA, WI, VA in 2020)

"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary."
-- H.L. Mencken

"WARNING: This Link May Be Unsafe...
The link you are trying to access has been identified by Twitter as being potentially harmful to the Democratic Party's agenda or in violation of Woke cultural dogma. This link could lead to a site that: 1) Expresses conservative views; 2) Uses innocuous language that we just redefined as hate speech five minutes ago; 3) Makes you think for yourself"

-- "Mallard Fillmore" political cartoon by Bruce Tinsley, tweaking the Cancel Culture, 11/12/2020

"The Covid Mask" (parody rework of The Monster Mash) -- 8/10/2020

"The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal."
-- Aristotle

"Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted."
-- Vladimir Lenin

"In our schools, our newsrooms, even our corporate boardrooms, there is a new far-left fascism that demands absolute allegiance. If you do not speak its language, perform its rituals, recite its mantras, and follow its commandments, then you will be censored, banished, blacklisted, persecuted, and punished. It's not going to happen to us."
-- from President Trump's Mount Rushmore speech, 7/4/2020

"Every record has been destroyed or falsified, every book rewritten, every picture has been repainted, every statue and street building has been renamed, every date has been altered. And the process is continuing day by day and minute by minute. History has stopped. ... Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past."
-- from Nineteen Eighty-Four, by George Orwell

"We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst."
-- C.S. Lewis

"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."
-- Ben Franklin

"Scratch a liberal and you抣l discover a totalitarian screaming to get out."
-- David Horowitz

"The average age of the world抯 greatest civilizations has been 200 years. These nations have progressed through this sequence: From bondage to spiritual faith; From spiritual faith to great courage; From courage to liberty; From liberty to abundance; From abundance to selfishness; From selfishness to apathy; From apathy to dependence; From dependence back into bondage."
-- Scottish historian Alexander Fraser Tytler, 1787

"The First Ammendment is first for a reason. [The] Second Ammendment is just in case the First one doesn't work out."
-- comedian Dave Chappelle, Oct 2019

"Accuse the Other Side of That Which You Are Guilty."
-- Saul Alinsky's "Rules for Radicals"

"Wealth is like sea-water; the more we drink, the thirstier we become; and the same is true of fame."
-- philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, writing in 1851

"Catching the Wild Pig", a parable about society -- Anonymous

"The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those who vote for a living."
-- Anonymous

"Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor Who Can Stand On Their Own 2 Feet and who will not become a public charge."
-- Ken Cuccinelli, 08/13/2019

"Republics decline into democracies, and democracies degenerate into despotisms."
-- Aristotle

"The only thing worse than being blind, is having sight but no vision."
-- Helen Keller

"The past tells us who we are. Without it, we lose our identity."
-- Stephen Hawking

"Like a heartbeat, moral infatuation has a systolic and diastolic phase. In the systolic phase, there is an abrupt contraction of sputtering indignation: fury, outrage, high horses everywhere. Then there is the gratifying period of recovery: the warm bath of self-satisfaction, set like a jelly in a communal ecstasy of unanchored virtue signaling."
-- Roger Kimball, in IMPRIMUS, Feb 2019

"The theory of Communism may be summed up in one sentence: Abolish all private property."
-- Karl Marx, in the "Communist Manifesto"

"The Wit and Wisdom of Thomas Sowell"
-- Ricochet, 10/23/2015

"Modern journalism is all about deciding which facts the public shouldn't know about
because they might reflect badly on Democrats."

-- Jim Treacher, PJ Media columnist, Aug 2014

"Show me the man and I'll find you the crime."
-- Lavrentiy Beria, Stalin's secret police chief (No relation to Robert Meuller)

"There are some ideas that are so absurd that only an intellectual could believe them."
-- George Orwell

"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
-- Mark Twain

"Evil preaches tolerance until it is dominant, and then it seeks to silence good."
-- Archbishop Charles Chaput

"Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted."
-- Lenin

"Rush Limbaugh's 35 Undeniable Truths of Life"
-- Updated 02/18/1994

"George Washington's Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation"
-- Circa 1774

"Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer"
-- W.C. Fields

"Alexa for Elders"
-- SNL video (2:40), 05/13/2017

"Brains can be hired by the hour, just like muscles. Only character is not for sale at any price."
-- Antonin Scalia's Italian immigrant father

"We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid."
-- Ben Franklin

"Nazism, a totalitarian ideology based on racial supremacy."
"Communism, a totalitarian ideology based on class supremacy."
"Islamism, a totalitarian ideology based on religious supremacy."

-- Clifford D. May, in a Washington Times article, 07/11/2017

"The fundamental question of our time is whether the West has the will to survive."
-- Donald Trump, in Poland, 07/06/2017

"Failure is an option here. If things are not failing, you are not innovating enough."
-- Elon Musk

"Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it."
-- H. L. Mencken

"Liberalism is a disease from which you can be cured. Trust me, I'm a doctor!"
-- Krayton Kerns, DVM

-- 04/04/2013

"The media should be embarrassed and humiliated and keep its mouth shut and just listen for awhile."
-- President Trump's chief White House strategist Steve Bannon in a media interview, 01/25/2017

"The Budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed, lest Rome will become bankrupt. People must again learn to work instead of living on public assistance."
-- Cicero, 55 BC

"If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed."
-- Mark Twain, later paraphrased by Denzel Washington

"Break classification rules for the public's benefit, and you could be exiled.
?Do it for personal benefit, and you could be President."

-- Edward Snowden, June 1, 2016

-- by "S-N-A-F-U", 01/06/2016

-- by Bob Lonsberry, 12/09/2013

-- by Theodore Roosevelt, 1907

-- as defined by President Harry Truman to Gen. Douglas MacArthur, 09/01/1945

-- Winner of two highly coveted awards

-- by Yogi Berra, famous NY Yankee catcher and philosopher (05/12/1925 - 09/22/2015)

-- by Max Ehrmann, 1927

"To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize."
-- Voltaire

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
-- Winston Churchill

"No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up."
-- Philosopher-comedian Lily Tomlin

-- from The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewis

"The experience of many ages proves that men may be ready to fight to the death, and to persecute without pity, for a religion whose creed they do not understand, and whose precepts they habitually disobey."
-- Lord Macaulay in the 1840s

-- attributed to V醕lav Klaus, former Czech Republic Premier

"Science is the belief in the ignorance of experts."
-- Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman

"Americans don't solve problems, they leave them behind."
-- George Santayana

"How much good could a do-gooder do / if a do-gooder could do good?"
-- Paraphrase of the 'woodchuck' ditty

"We have nothing to fear but the low-information voter."
-- Paraphrase of FDR's words after Pearl Harbor

"If you LIKE your Obamacare, you can KEEP your Democrat."
-- Paraphrase of Barack Obama's promise on keeping your doctor

"The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money."
-- Margaret Thatcher

"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.
?The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery."

-- Winston Churchill

"Do to others as you would have them do to you."
-- Luke 6:31 (The Golden Rule)

"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today!"
-- Popeye's portly friend Wimpy

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
-- Albert Einstein
(similar to Liberalism!)

"Those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it."
-- George Santayana
(... and re-elect a Liberal.)

"We have met the enemy and he is us."
-- Pogo, by Walt Kelly

"All government programs have three things in common: a beginning, a muddle and no ending."
-- Will Rogers

"Government is not a solution to our problem. Government is the problem."
-- Ronald Reagan

"Check the premise"; "Consider the source"; "Follow the money".
Follow these dictums and you'll find yourself better informed in our age of misinformation.
-- David Swink

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler"
-- Albert Einstein
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